Wishing you all a very Happy New Year!
Title: The Impossible (Complete ficlet)
Rating: R, language
Word Count: 1,850
Timeline: An imaginary AtS 5
Genre: M/M Slash
Disclaimer: Ah, Joss. How do I love thee? Let me count the bazillion ways. And thanks for letting me borrow your gorgeous people.
Note: I'm fudging the timeline around an awful lot to suit my purpose here, forgive me. Spike's POV.
Hadn't known him long when I first felt it. Only a few weeks, I'd reckon, and when he was under the guise of "Doyle" at that. Didn't know what to make of him beyond the fact that he was a bit of a pretentious pillock, a sodding pain the hole, and had the worst bloody timing. Back-answered me often, and didn't miss a jab no matter how well I disguised it. I’d get so mad at him sometimes I'd have spit flames if I'd had 'em, cos he was always there. Every night I went to work, dusting vamps and dealing with the various forms of nasty the city had to offer. He’d never miss a show. Give me a run down of all my mistakes and achievements, he would. He’d interfere and advise and annoy the crap out of me most times, but then he’d wink, or he’d laugh, or hell forbid, he’d say something…kind, and knock my world off kilter.
And sweet buggering fuck, he made me hard every time he said my name.
Knew it meant something, though I’d wished it meant sod-all, and I felt that pull on my heart and body even after the grand reveal. If anything, as Lindsey he intrigued me all the more, and as time went on I found it almost painful to be near him, cos christ, got a track record for heartbreak, yeah? A stellar bloody list. Think I wanted to add to it? Not bloody likely.
Along came New Year’s Eve, and Peaches, bein' the holiday-lovin' git he is, threw a do. It was holiday themed and entirely poofy. Of course I went for the good of the merry few, for puppies and the American way, or what-all, and I rubbed elbows with the demon and human “well to do” alike. I didn't miss a jingle beat with the boys from Accounting, played pin the tail on Happy the one-eyed New Year’s Baby with a couple of jolly bloody elves. No really, they were quite bloody. And I spent a fair part of my evening on the trail of one fetching little "Cindy-Lou Who" and her shaggable little Who crew from Acquisitions.
No matter how I tried to distract myself, I couldn't help but seek him out, Lindsey, just to catch a glimpse, to know he was there. Often I'd spot him across the room, standing alone, or talking to that horrid little trollop, Eve. Seemed she made him smile. Seemed she made him chuckle. Seemed like maybe I was better off playing it cool, keeping my distance.
Seemed like Cindy-Lou Who was in for the night of her life.
There was talk among the revelers of resolutions what with the New Year rapidly barreling down the track, and Peaches, being the ever-brooding git he is, left the office. Harm and Charlie and Percy all followed after, o’ course, leaving me there in the grand office with a Who-chit on each arm and Fred lounging back on a comfy chair. I leaned back against The Forehead’s desk and further discovered that Eve and Lindsey were standing by the window, seemingly unaware of me at all. She was… touching him, just her hand on his arm, fingers making a frivolous little journey from his wrist to his elbow. And bugger-it-all, he smiled.
I couldn't help the shift in my demeanor. To say I felt maudlin would have been putting it lightly. Maybe it wasn't just Lindsey, maybe it was the punch. Maybe it was the bloody mince pies. It’s a demon law firm; the food is bound to be dodgy, right? All I wanted right then was to head back to my pokey little flat – the one that Doyle, make that Lindsey, had supplied me, and get myself paralytic with a bottle o’ Jack.
Made a move to call it a night when Cindy-Lou squeezed my arm and brushed her lips along my jaw. “What about you, Spike? What’s your New Year’s resolution?”
The best friend stroked my chest and cooed in a smarmy way that told me she was mocking me – story of my life. “I bet it’s to find love, and lots of it. Looking for some lovin’, Spikey?”
Cindy-Lou giggled wickedly as she splayed her fingers over my thigh, and then drew little circles in an entirely irritating fashion. I remember Harm doing that a forever ago. Drove me ‘round the bloody bend. “We've got all kinds of lovin’ for you, baby.”
Well, I didn't want to disappoint them, really. They were somewhere in the vicinity of right. Just… wasn't so much about finding it.
“S’pose, if I have t’answer you girls proper, well then yeah, part of it would be t’find love. And it's not that I don't appreciate your offer, cos I do, but... the kinda love I crave...”
Seemed Eve was paying attention after all, cos I didn't get to finish my answer, or rather, she answered for me, the fire-breathing little bitch.
“Let me guess. You resolve to find the perfect love. Some glowing, effulgent thing. He or she, or it, is gonna see the champion in you and love you back, right? Cos you’re such a good man now. Don’t forget, William, that soul of yours?”
She sighed, “Stained.”
Gave me that trademark big-eyed look that I hate so much, then softened her voice like she cared.
“And, well... Nobody wants damaged goods, sweetie. So let’s face it, your resolution? Is to find the impossible.”
Satisfied that she’d shoved my tongue into the pit of my stomach, and therefore any reply I might have given, she winked at me and made for the door. “Lindsey, are you coming? They’re about to count down. And I want to see Angel’s big party trick. I hear it’s gonna be tons of fun.”
Have to admit, she fairly leveled me with that little speech. I was gripping the desk so hard that Cindy-Lou and her friend pulled away entirely. Looked at me like I was a pathetic thing, I’d reckon. Felt all manner of low for a time, until it occurred to me that Lindsey wasn't moving to join her. In fact, he was suddenly standing right in front of me.
My eyes still downcast, the corners of my mouth curved into the slightest hint of a smirk, and I reached into the duster for my packet o’ fags. Lit up right there in the “No Smoking in ANY Dimension Zone” that was Peaches’ office, dragged deep and exhaled slowly through my nose as I glanced at Fred. Precious girl nodded and gave me a smile. Took another drag and said it real clear, sod the Whos and sod Eve.
“My resolution goes like this: To allow myself t’move on, cos maybe it’s time. Maybe I need t’get over the past, let it go. Let her go. Let myself feel that mad, thrillin’ ache, that scorching, soul-searing rush o’ need and blind hunger and forever. Let myself love again, the only way I know how.”
Turning a mite, I stubbed out my smoke on the brightly polished wood of Peaches’ desk, and then shoved my hands in my pockets.
I froze when Lindsey quietly asked, “And that is?” He’d moved closer and I could feel the pulse in his throat quicken, strengthen. Had to swallow the desire to knock him down and cover his body with mine, take that mouth with mine, force the answer into him with my lips and teeth and tongue.
Instead I said it like it is. Sure and clear.
“Well, I’d do anything for the one I love. Anything at all. Shift the whole soddin’ world if I could. I’d storm heaven an’ hell if I had to. Risk the sun just to touch. That’s the love I give. That’s the love I crave. And sure as fuck, mate, I’ll know it when I see it, mark my words.”
In the long moments of silence I heard the revelers start the countdown.
Ten, nine, eight…
Didn't have to look at Eve to know she was rolling her eyes. Heard her scoff and start into what might have been a million reasons why I was wrong.
Seven, six, five…
I say what might have been, because her words were promptly cut short when Lindsey stepped between my knees, drew my face into his hands and kissed me.
Couldn't help the growl o’ possession as I felt him taste me, as I tasted him back. I grasped his shoulders, fingers digging fabric into smooth skin as I slid them down roughly over his arms, trying to draw him closer, aching for more. But I let him taste, answered the initial softness of it with a nip and snarl and thrust of my tongue, and was rewarded for my efforts with a moan.
Coulda swore I heard Cindy-Lou Who breathe a ragged, “Hhhhhot!”
Fairly certain the other Who-chit whimpered and gasped, “Yeah…”
Fully sure I heard Fred giggle (cos she’s always been in my corner, that girl).
And, I was more than bloody pleased when, as the crowd shouted, “ONE! Happy New Year!” Eve cursed and stormed out, slamming the door behind her. Course, most o’ that could be pure imagination, cos I was so wrapped up in that kiss.
Much too soon he broke the kiss with a moan, and he gave me a guarded smile before he finally spoke: “Happy New Year.” With that, he drew back, gathered his coat and headed for the door.
All I could do was stare after him, the demon pacing, my body aching, heart and soul longing for me to give chase. But I didn't. I couldn't make the feet move just then.
Fred slipped from her chair and came over to join me as the Who-chits wandered off, muttering to themselves about man kissing and needing some quality time with a fella named Bob, or some such. She smiled, setting her eyes on the now-open office doors - the doors Lindsey had gone through – then turned to me and kissed my cheek.
“Happy New Year, Spike. Not as good as Lindsey’s by any means, but heartfelt, my friend.” She chuckled and winked at me out of the corner of her eye.
And I still wasn't moving. Couldn't stop staring at that door.
“H-happy New Year, pet,” was all I managed to murmur before I licked my lips and closed my eyes, tasting him again, the demon rattling the chains at the memory of that tongue, how good it felt tangling with mine.
“If you run you might catch him,” she whispered and it was like hearing a bloody starter gun, cos I kissed her cheek and launched off that desk like my unlife depended on it, and it did.
Nearly knocked The Great Brooding Git down as I barreled through his office door.
“Hey! Where are you going?”
I didn't stop, couldn't stop, just waved my hand as I left him behind.
“Starting on my New Year’s resolution, Peaches. Be seein’ you. Takin’ the Viper.”
Didn’t hear his reply, was already in the elevator and headed for the car park, off to find a cowboy and make the impossible… possible.